I didn’t just wake up one morning feeling depressed. Nor on reflection did it just creep up on me. I think it just washed over me. I was making unhealthy, self destructive choices that crippled my (already low) self esteem and reinforced a sense of worthlessness that existed beneath the laddish persona.
A persona I’d created over time to shield me from the fear that had always accompanied me through my early years. I grew up a scared little boy.
I was in my early thirties, I was approaching a time when I was supposed to be settling down. Cut back the drinking, find a girl, settle down…as the song goes.
Instead, I’d lost all interest in my teaching career, I was terrified of commitment and was growing increasingly frustrated, moody and disconnected from my family. I hid my issues from those who knew me and very few people could detect the despair hidden behind the small talk and the practiced smile.
The realisation of where I was in my life hit me like a freight train and led to a very dark period in my life. I remember standing in the shower and asking myself whether it was all worth it. It shocked me that I had those thoughts, thoughts that would stay with me for a number of weeks.
During that period, my only release was to go out on my own walking. It was the only thing that felt right. When I was walking I didn’t have to pretend to be anyone and I could reconnect with a child like sense of awe and wonder at the world around me. It lifted me in my darkest times, gave me a sense of peace and calm. It allowed me to breathe and gave me the space to process the thoughts or simply take a break from them.
In time, I would find other means to address the underlying causes of the depression but being out in the fresh air, wandering along familiar paths day after day was a here and now pick me up. I used walking in the same way I might have used cigarettes or alcohol or drugs. The more of myself I invested in the outdoors the better I felt. I repeat, it did not address the underlying causes of my problems but it alleviated the symptoms and it motivated me to keep going.
I would eventually find my way out of the malaise but I know others who have not and what that has done to families. I feel very fortunate that I found professional help to address the lingering issues but also, that I had that outlet (in my walking) to release some of that negative energy that was gnawing away at me.
Some years on, walking still fulfils this role but it goes much deeper than that. I’ve found real meaning in it, a camaraderie with those I walk with and a real pleasure in seeing others derive some of that same enjoyment I feel every time I’m on my feet.
The Digitally Distracted
I read an article a friend posted online about children not knowing the names of some common birds, animals and objects (stiles, cattle grids) you’d find in the rural landscape. The story suggested this was because children were ‘digitally distracted’ and denied access to the countryside.
I thought about many of the children I know and how they are glued to their phones. If you are in any doubt as to the importance of the phone to young people just try taking it away from them or challenge them to spend a day without it. In most cases you’ll be met with fierce opposition or ridicule. Just observe the anger, the frustration and the separation anxiety rear their ugly heads. To me this is very worrying from a mental health perspective.
Our phones can open us up to the world, we can google just about anything, you tube presents us with a global library of visual experience yet young people use their phones largely for social media exchanges. Snap chat, Instagram, Facebook allow them to stay connected with one another, but it has created a culture of dependency.
Where as once they would meet each other by walking to the park or visiting each other’s houses, now the need for those journeys has been removed. Everything is available instantaneously, information is passed on at a rapid rate. There is a level of emotional exhaustion at having to keep up, day after day, week after week. And that’s before we talk about all of the cyber bullying, sexting, and other exploitative issues surrounding mobile communication.
At school, teachers are concerned about the narrowing of the curriculum and the effect this is having on the wellbeing of children. The government is obsessively focusing on measuring ‘pupil progress’ and assessing the life out of English and Maths, judging schools on limited criteria and hauling them over the coals if they fail to comply. Whilst no one can deny the standard of Maths and English has risen, it has done so at the expense of other subjects which develop and enhance other skills, fostering confidence and self esteem.
So as technology grips them and a heavily politicised education system squeezes their creative energy like an orange, it is up to parents to provide them with the space to be themselves.
Parents could start walking with kids, they might resist at first (or be transfixed by their phones) but persist and see where it takes you. Walk and talk, get out of the house and enjoy the space. Get them to look around them, reconnect with their local countryside.
If they want to use their phones encourage them to take pictures of wild scenes: waterfalls, trees, the setting sun or even a dead rabbit. Don’t let them talk or text during the walk, even if it’s only for a few hours. Have that time for you and your kids.
Kids are under a lot of pressure these days, at home and at school and the cracks are beginning to show. As with my own issues, I’m not suggesting that walking in the countryside is a magic wand that can be waved to dispell all of life’s problems but it does provide a healthy escape route from the pressures of modern life.
As parents and teachers we can only encourage kids to go green. Nature must win the battle for hearts and minds. But with time I believe she can.
